Ahh, Thanksgiving. Not really a holiday I take to naturally, but anything that means time off work is good by me.
In my family we have a tradition... it's one of the few that doesn't revolve around eating or smoking pot... every year on Thanksgiving, we go around the table and say something we're thankful for.
Yes, it's every bit as ugly as you might imagine.
My father usually gives thanks for the fact that no black people live in our neighborhood, my sister usually gives thanks for her collection of Fendi purses, my mom gives thanks for having a beautiful (covered in kitchy trash and dog hair) home, and a wonderful (self involved and obese) family, and I give thanks for something esoteric and/or bleak... like "death" or "inflammatory bowel syndrome". Good times.
This year though, I think I'm going to be a little more proactive and read aloud a poem I've written just for the occasion...
"What Thanksgiving Means to Me" by Carmela Machiato
I'm thankful for winter.
I'm thankful for snow.
I'd be really thankful to not have to go
to my parent's on Thursday for emotional beating,
and general malaise, and marathon eating.
I'm thankful:
*that, since I have to, Anoosh has to come, too.
*for martini's which are dirty.
*for anything that's blue.
While I hate my job, I'm thankful for the perks
like the coming four day weekend when I won't have to work.
I'm thankful for Strabucks and Louboutin shoes.
I'm thankful that most of my friends are rich Jews.
I'm thankful for black polish, black hair and back leather.
I'm thankful that Paris and Nicole are back together.
I'm thankful for my freakishly hairless new pets,
and that I still have my AmEx, despite all the threats.
I'm thankful when people I grew up with get fat.
I'm thankful I'm not one of them. (How awesome is that?)
I'm thankful when exes become meth abusers,
and when girls from my high school get married to losers.
I'm thankful that my jadedness can be constantly exhibited,
and that my serotonin re-uptake is selectively inhibited.
I'm thankful for blogging. I'm thankful for orgies.
Most of all I'm thankful when I fit in size four jeans.
It's going to be a huge hit, I can sense it already.
