Friday, June 02, 2006
Ask Not What My Boobs Can Do For You...
As most of you already know, my only true goals in life are furthering the pursuit of world peace, and getting my tits done.
Actually, I could care less about world peace; its mostly just the tits.
Yes, I know it seems superficial, but deep down at the core of my being (which is mere inches from the surface) I know that having great, big, fake boobs will bring me the kind of spiritual fulfillment Jesus must have felt when he defeated the Nazis or whatever.
Take a look up here at my good friend Muffin and me.... how would you feel if YOU were the girl on the left??
Would implants really change my life? I think they would.
Remember back when you were, like, 12 or 13 and you got boobs for the first time? I dont know about the rest of you, but that totally changed my entire life. My boobs opened doors for me I never imagined they could.
I went from being that pudgy loser with bad hair and a flat chest that no guys liked, to being that pudgy loser with bad hair and boobs who was kind of slutty, overnight! It was like a miracle! Of course, back then I was a C cup and now Im a sad, small A.
And its not like its fair cause Im just a small girl. Here I am, with thighs only a black man could love, and the wrack of a prepubescent Asian girl.
I dont know what I did, but it couldnt have been that bad.
I know it seems like a long shot, but if you could find it in your heart to donate even the smallest amount to my cause, I would be oh so appreciative.
Just think, for the cost of feeding a small child in Africa, I could be cut open and have big sacks of saline shoved into my chest!
You may be asking yourself what my fake boobs could do for you.. Well, let me tell you. Once I have my tasteful DD cups sown comfortably into my body, there will be nothing standing between my and total world domination.
If you contributed to the cause, I can guarantee you a place in the governing body. If not, well. You may just find your name on the kill list when my "obesity cleansing" plan goes into action, regardless of your weight.
Im just saying, is it really worth the risk?
Posted by Carmela Machiato at 11:59 AM