As those of you in the tribe... and those of you with friends in the tribe know, this weekend was Rosh Hashanah.
Rosh Hashanah is the day when Jews celebrate the angel of death coming to earth and smiting our enemies by slaughtering their babies! No, wait... that's Passover.
Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year! It’s just like the regular New Year, 'cause you go to a party and eat lots of stuff.. and then at midnight you get to make out with strangers! That’s how I celebrate anyway.
This year was no exception. It started with the obligatory family dinner attended by extended family as well as Anoosh and Alabaster. When Anoosh and I arrived, Big Big was hysterical crying after whacking her head on the ceiling. How she managed to do this, I may never know, but I do know that she somehow managed to blame the entire thing on her boyfriend Billy, whose lack of “good boyfriendness” apparently contributed to her pain. He managed to entertain himself in her absence by dangling my 4 year old cousin off the railing of the house.
After recovering, Big put away a good pound and a half of mac and cheese, and then regaled us with stories of her sorority sisters, who apparently believe that The Vatican is some sort of four star hotel in Rome, and that Ronald Reagan is the vice president.
Jaimie invited one her desperate housewife style friends who brought her hot, sexually repressed husband as eye candy, which was a nice treat for Alabaster and I.
The highlight of my evening was either when my baby cousin Sam asked Anoosh why he always looks mad, or when I then asked him how I looked and he said “skinny”. Smart kid, that one.
After the traditional Jewish desperate search for pot, we returned to the city where we met up with my room mates Isabelle and Natasha. Through some of our “dealings” Anoosh and I met a guy who owns one of the hottest clubs in Manhattan. Along with his “sort of” girlfriend, we got a table at said club and proceeded to get wasted out of our minds.
Around 4 in the morning, Isabelle and Natasha went home and Anoosh, Club guy, Hot Sort of Girlfriend and I went to... someone's apartment. Some non present 5th party who had decorated it starkly with one or two pieces of pricey furniture and nothing else, very American Psycho style.
Now, bear in mind that Club Guy and Hot Sort of Girlfriends aren’t they’re REAL names, those are just pseudonyms I made up to protect their identities. But, the jig is up... Their real names are... um, gosh, I could have sworn they told me at some point. I think it was... Blond Chick and Owns A Boat. Yeah, that's it.
So, Blond Chick is very cute, though slightly bonkers. And Owns A Boat owns a boat. Most importantly they're both extremely hot and good in bed.
I think it was a great warm up for next week, which is the Jewish holiday of atonement when you don’t eat all day and spend hours in silent contemplation of all the horrible stuff you’ve done and feel really, really hungry and bad about yourself. It’s called Yom Kippur... or as I like to refer to it, “Pretty Much Every Day of the Week”.
