I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged... this is due to the fact that since Im now unemployed, I have no free time. All the time I used to spend bored out of my mind blogging at work is now spent interviewing (read: drinking) and working on applications (read: sleeping).
But I assure you, my loyal fan base (read: mom), that I have not forsaken my blog permanently.
Since I have a couple of hours to wallow in my misery (read: watch Curb Your Enthusiasm and pluck my eyebrows) I thought I’d share.
Today I did an onsite essay for a grad school I’m applying to. They give you prompts and you respond. For example, they write “Jenny and Maria are fighting. Jenny thinks Maria is taking too long to take her turn at a game and Maria thinks Jenny is in too much of a rush. What do you do?” And then I say “punish whichever one is fatter.”
After that, my good friend Muffin came over for lunch and I finally got to meet her boyfriend. Uhh... I mean boss. Uh... I mean some guy. Yeah, it was really nice to finally meet some guy. He was very cute and obscenely tall. He wore a suit and carried mini fridge sized bottles of Grey Goose. Mmmm... dreamy.
Muffin and I had lunch, then went to the candy store across the street where I spent an hour digging out mildly ominous conversation hearts.
Yep, thats the kind of thing I get to do now that Im jobless. Until someone agrees to hire me to do some menial degrading job, I plan on pursuing my ultimate goal of penning children's books. The first one, “Gang Bang Barbie”, which I coauthored several years ago, was a huge success. Meaning after we wrote it, we still found it hilarious after the drugs had worn off. So, keep your eyes peeled for “Why it Takes Daddy so Long to Drive the Babysitter Home” in stores near you in the near future.
I think back to the last time I was unemployed for an extended period, which was right after graduation. Fortunately, I had a pretty sizable coke habit which occupied most of my time. Sadly, I don’t have to money for an encore.
Those were some good times though, that was back when I was living in Brooklyn in The House That Release Built, with my room mates Crazy Ho and Bootsie. Crazy Ho was a crazy ho... still is from what I hear, and Bootsie was a recent transplant from Maryland who was depressingly more hip than either of us.
She managed to look hot with a fashion mullet and shared my penchant for pill popping. Bootsie was a good friend to have, since she was the only one who knew what it felt like to come home to a beach being set up in your backyard, or a stripper pole being installed in your living room, or forced into increasingly ridiculous costumes for parties in our house we very grudgingly attended (such as the “come fly away” party where we were forced to dress as stewardesses, or the “put me in labor day” party which we had to wear lingerie to.
But I digress, I should really get back to work (read: Flavor of Love just came back on).
