Saturday, November 25, 2006

Thanks Anyway

Thanksgiving is always one of the more amusing holidays, and this year was no exception.

I think the true essence of my experience is illustrated perfectly by the above picture. This is one of my mother's many "pieces of flare". This particular one is a newer addition. It is a black velvet lined, leopard print, mini bead fringed, neon green boa topped pencil holder, inside of which us a bright orange, plush, teddy bear bookmark, wearing a Bacchanalian, Eyes Wide Shut inspired fig mask.

My mother thinks it's "cute". I assure you, this image will haunt your dreams for months.

Other highlights of the thanksgiving feast? Let's see...

The eight course meal, consisting solely of dishes with a standard recipe of one part animal meat, two parts lard, one part cheese, and three parts chocolate. Yum. It was a very festive meal, clearly intended to be reminiscent the meal the pilgrims prepared for the native indians in order to induce instant heart attacks in the few survivors the small pox hadn't killed.

Anoosh telling my family that he had spent the morning feeding the homeless, and how he couldn't believe the government spends blah blah blah billion dollars on the war when there are so many homeless people. And then my father responding "Yeah, for half that much they could just have all the homeless people killed."

Tragically, this wasn't an attempt to curry favor. Anoosh really DID spend the morning feeding homeless people. Not with me (OF COURSE), but with his son, Bailey and his ex-wife who now goes by her maiden name, Wrinkly McFaketits.

Personally, I think feeding the homeless is actually contributing to the problem. If you feed them, they're just going to have the energy to breed and make more homeless people. But nobody listens to me.

The rest of my break is being spent getting stoned with my one remaining room mate, watching Dave Attell Insomniac reruns, and drinking. It's like heaven on earth.

When I get back to work, my plan is to spend the majority of my time coming with good explanations as to why I have to quit less than two months after starting. It's gonna have to be a good one.

Oh, and my cats have now taken to waking me up by crawling up into my bed, and 69ing each other next to my face.

So much to be thankful for.