Friday, September 21, 2007

Playing Favorites

Every since this years Rosh Hashanah celebration, I’ve been creating a Greatest Hits reel in my head. It was motivated mostly by Big Big.

Now, we all know Big Big says some ridiculously stupid shit, but spending an extended period of time with her often necessitates taking some time alone to reflect on the zen-like nature of her idiocy.

It was at Rosh Hashanah that Big topped herself and gave me a new all time favorite Big quote. It’s this...

“Is Gefilte fish made of fish?”

This is one of the ones that requires a bit of reflection. Obviously, its a ridiculous question. It’s called Gefilte Fish. I mean, it says fish right in the name.

So one has to wonder, what could have possibly confused her? Was she thrown off by misnomers she had encountered in her past? Like the way Snoop Dogg isn’t really a dog? Was that a traumatic realization for her perhaps? Causing her to question everything she thought she knew about the world?

Secondly, it wasn’t even “Is Gefilte fish fish?” It was is it MADE of fish. Inferring that it couldn't just be fish, but rather the result of some complex manipulation of the fish. Perhaps the titular “gefilte-ing”?

Thirdly, she asked this to a total fucking stranger, not even a family member who wouldn't have been quite as baffled. Instead she asked my cousins friend whom she had never even met before.

Therefore, the reason for my selection of this quote is three fold. Previously, the title was held by her contribution to a conversation about the potential of life on other planets, which was an extremely reflective “I’m not saying I don’t believe in UFOs. I’m just saying.... I couldn’t possibly care less.”

Ultimately, all this got me thinking about the quintessential quotes of everyone else I know, and I have been compiling them ever since. Things that were not just funny and/or ridiculous, but that really captured the essence of the speakers personality. Thus far the winners are.....

My mom: I called her up one day a couple of years ago and said to her “Mom, I need my passport... I’m going to Argentina with a 42 guy I met on the internet last week.” and she said “Absolutely not! You CAN’T go!.... without travel Scrabble! I’ll buy you one and you can take it on the plane with you and you guys can play together!”

Alabaster: This was a tough one. Yesterdays “Carmela, you are the bees knees! The knees, of course, are notorious for being the fattest part of the bee.” was a real contender. As was when I tried on an outfit for this date I was really excited about and asked him what he thought and he said “It says Take Me! Take Me! Take Me.... to the circus.” But the prize ultimately went to when I told him I was depressed because I had severely low self esteem, and he told me “You have a lot of self esteem. Actually a surprising amount for someone... like you.”

A friend from school, after a date: “I forget what he said he did for a living. It definitely had the word hedge in it.... I think he was a gardner?”

Jenny: “You spend way too much time thinking about how much you hate Anoosh’s ex-wife. And it’s ALL time you could be spending obsessing about your weight.”

That’s the short list. Im always adding more.

Incidentally, I should add that the gefilte fish comment was the moronic icing on the cake of Big Big’s vapidity that day, since she had spent the entire week up until then stalking Alabaster and me, asking us “How does one sucker an investment banker into dating her against his will?” But no matter how many times we said “threeway”, she just kept asking. I’m actually a little worried she may be going deaf.