Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Just For Jenny

A very close friend of mine has asked me explicitly never to write about her in a public forum.

Her name is Jenny.

Let me tell you all about her….

Jenny and I went to high school together. She was just the sweetest, quietest little thing on earth. Then, in college, she found her voice… and she mostly used that voice to make vicious yet hysterical comments about me, and all those around her.

Every time I see this girl, some sort of fantastic adventure ensues. Out of all of them, I might have to say my personal favorite was the time we got really bored and decided to go to La Guardia to pick up men.

We put on wigs and evening gowns, stole some Malibu from my parent’s basement, drove out to the airport blasting Lou Reed and got tanked in the parking lot.
We went inside, got even drunker at the airport bar, took Polaroids with the baggage handlers and bought some I Love New York paraphernalia. Then, we found a piece of card board and made a giant sign that said Vanilla Ice and held it up at the arrivals gate as people de-boarded.
Then when that got boring, we went to baggage claim where we met a charming businessman who had just arrived from New Zealand. We offered him a ride to his hotel in the city, which none of knew how to get to, and he accepted.

I still have a picture of him and Jenny standing next to my car. Every time I look at it, I think about how much fun I have with Jenny. I also think about how my mom found that picture when she came to drag me out of the driveway where I had slept that night because I was too tired and hung-over to make it the last ten feet into the house. She looked at it and said, “Wow, Jenny looks great! Her dad looks pretty good too.”

In short, this is the trifecta of Jenny’s awesomeness:

1) She is exceptionally competent. She lives with her boyfriend of a thousand years, is already established in her career of choice, and can talk to literally anyone on earth about anything.

2) She tells it like it is. Like when she told me the headline in the paper the day I die would read “Untimely Death of Crazy JAP Surprises None”.

3) She is always there when you really need her. Like on New Years when my then boyfriend and I broke up for the zillionth time, and she collected me at the train station, propped me up on her couch, wrapped me in a blanket and fed me clementines while I watched Crocodile Hunter.

Even more importantly, when we were in high school and I called Jenny up crying because I had lost my favorite pair of underwear in a neighboring school field, she was there first thing in the morning, distracting the school children while I rummaged around in the bushes.

Even took me to Starbucks after.

Damn, that’s a good friend.