Thursday, June 22, 2006


At long last, two of my favorite people have caved and started blogs, allowing for the moment I’ve been awaiting for years… or at least since I started my own blog a month ago.

Welcome to Menage-A-Blog…

Where Alabaster, Biba and I prove that when we pool our resources we can do anything; be it answer pressing sociopolitical questions regarding Britney Spears, or touring the stoops of the Lower East Side.

Today we address two seriously pressing issues I know are on everyone’s mind…

First up is a question we’ve all asked ourselves at least once this year…

Is there any hope of salvaging the train wreck that is Britney Spears? (The baby? The weight? The vile excuse for a husband?)

The woman is pregnant. So until she pops that sucker out there is no
chance she will lose an ounce of weight.

I def think the husband is out! to the curb!!!! But he won’t disappear
cause you know L. Lohan is next to jump that one...or maybe Paris.
Anyhow...someone is next in line.

I’m confident she'll get back on ecstasy and blow and start dancing

I’m going to have to agree that things look bleak. I’m so sick of that bullshit “I can’t loose weight because I’m pregnant!” Oh my god, just stop eating, piglet!
Babies are supposed to weigh, what?, 3 pounds or whatever, so anything she’s gained in excess of that has to go RIGHT NOW.

Then, once she pops the thing out, she should give it to K-Fed along with the first one, and send him back to raise it with the other two he has with Janet Jackson or whatever.

Then and only then will there be a light at the end of the tunnel for Brit.

After watching Britney Spears be interviewed by Matt Lauer - which was hands down more awkward than walking in on my parents doing it - I can safely say that Brit is one of the dumbest people on the planet. I mean, I pretty much ALWAYS knew that - but I kind of always wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.

The fact of the matter is that Britney likes negative attention - she really does - she thinks, and I wonder if her warped publicist agrees, that the negative press is GOOD for her. She thinks that's she's coming off as "real" cause you know being in a relationship with a dead beat, putting your kids in danger, and walking barefoot in a public bathroom are all things that "real" people do.

When will the downward spiral end? I don't know - for now it goes as far as the eye can see.

Will breaking up with K-Fed change her image? I mean, it can't hurt - but honestly, she's dug herself into a nice hole here.

Will he children be fat? Oh, most definitely.

Next up, we have more of a moral dilemma…

How do we feel about nailing our exes? (How about “just being friends”? And what is an acceptabl relationship for your current to have with their ex?)

This is a doozey...ok so you can nail your ex but you have a certain
grace period. You have about a 6-month window to do so. But if it's been a
year, be prepared for a possible re-hash of the relationship. BORING!!!!

You can be "friends", but again, that can only happen after the 6 month
sex window has closed. The earliest (in real time) you can call
yourselves friends is about a year or more after the end of the end (so
like if you still sleeping together you have to really stop that portion
and then a year or so after that).

And they are SO NOT allowed to be friends. Who do I need to kill now for

Not to worry, Biba, you won’t need to kill anyone. I do appreciate the offer though.

I personally would never nail an ex simply because if I wanted to sleep with them I probably wouldn’t have broken up with them. Desire to nail is the first thing to go, nine times out of ten.

I’m not so in to the friend thing either, since I firmly believe if you weren’t friends to begin with, you won’t be friends after.

Before Scott, I too had a strict no-talking-to-exes-ever rule for anyone I went out with. But Scott and his wife have such an awesome relationship… for example, I asked if I could have this cool leather bracelet of his, but he wouldn’t give it to me because his wife gave it to him for being such a great ex-husband.

Isn’t that just so adorable? Doesn’t it totally speak to the fun, cool, quirky, casual nature of the relationship they have now?! I know I totally think so. But don’t take my word for it, ask Scott, he can talk about that shit all day.

I feel great about nailing my exes - nailing them to trees, nailing them to walls, nailing them to the floor. That way, when you're really drunk and you want to yell and scream at them and make a scene, you know EXACTLY where you left them.

'Till next time, folks....