Thursday, August 03, 2006

Blacking Out

I survived the blackout of 2003. Looks like I might have to survive the blackout of 2006 as well.

I think pretty much everyone survives, right? I mean, death-by-blackout isn’t a very common thing for those of us not relying on respirators for air.

Honestly though, I just barely survived. I did, ironically enough, drink until I blacked out.

The thought of losing power right now is making me extremely unhappy, but that 2003 blackout, man… that fucking rocked.

I remember driving home from the beach with Alabaster and his friend Jeremy when we got to a red stoplight a block from my house in Williamsburg. We were waiting for it to turn green, and it just blinked out. We were all pretty stoned at the time, so we didn’t quite know what to make of it. Mike dropped Jeremy off at the subway and me at my house and drove home.

I walked in to my crazy ex-room mate, Katie, sitting at the kitchen table in darkness, rapidly stuffing her face.
I asked hr what the hell was going on and she informed me there had been a blackout and so she was trying to eat all of the perishables.

Rather than point out the fact that the "perishables" she had chosen to start with were economy sized bags of marshmallows, I wandered back outside to see what was up for myself.

I lived in the old school Italian section of Williamsburg, so my street was filled with crazy geriatrics in muumuus screaming at each other that we were under attack. I wanted to ask them what kind of half-assed terrorist would evilly plot to make the lives of thousands of New Yorkers mildly inconvenient for a couple of hours, but instead I just walked back inside, went upstairs and called my date for the evening to make sure this would in no way be effecting his buying me dinner.

When I got in touch with Robert, he told me that the power was out in Manhattan too, and he had heard that half of the east coat was down. More horrifically, he said that since he made reservations at Sushi Samba, we should probably reschedule.... something about eating un-refrigerated raw fish being bad for you or something.

This upset me more than the blackout really, because I had bought a new dress for this date and I wasn't going to let some stupid power outage keep me from wearing it... especially now that I was all tan. I told Robert that if he REALLY wanted to see me, he should grab some liquor and mixers and just come over.

My logic was that the 5 mile walk from midtown across the bridge to Brooklyn couldn't be THAT bad, besides, what else was he going to do with his evening? It's not like he could stay at home and jerk off to internet porn. Robert eventually agreed with my solid logic, and began his trek to my apartment.

I showered and shaved by candlelight.... a foolish and blood-soaked task, and put on my new dress. That's when panic struck.... how was I going to iron my hair?!? Fortunately I had an emergency backup battery operated blow-drier, but after several attempts to heat my hair iron with a lighter failed, I resigned myself to imperfectly straightened hair.

Robert eventually showed up with his room mate, and they set up shop in our backyard area which crazy Katie had turned into a pseudo beach, complete with sand and a fake palm tree. The four of us got completely drunk and then found some tiki torches and wandered the streets of Brooklyn.

The bars were giving out liquor for free (which I suppose they thought was a better alternative to being looted) and full tilt chaos ensued. We passed out in a pile on the sidewalk around 4 in the morning.

It was amazing. I was heartbroken when the power came back on the next day.

A couple days later they stared selling commemorative tee-shirts that said "I Survived the Blackout of 2003". I wanted to buy one, but my other room mate made one for me instead that said "I Survived the Blackout of Last Thursday" because she thought it would applicable to more situations. She was right.

The only good thing tht would come from there being a blackout this summer is that fewer people would be able to see Superman Returns.

In case you there isn't a blackout, let me save you $10.25. Superman Returns totally fucking sucks.

Ready for the plot of this movie? Here it is: In typical Alpha male style, Superman knocks up Lois Lane, bounces, then just when she finds a nice Beta male to help her raise her bastard son, guess who shows up again to screw up her life, and then bounce once more?

"Super" my ass. Is this what society has come to? I have to pay to see a dead beat dad wear tights?

You know what?I think I DO want another blackout after all.